Tips for Uncomfortable Conversations - Workology

Tips for Uncomfortable Conversations - Workology That being said, heres some tips on having Uncomfortable Conversations: In my years of  management  and HR, Ive had my fair share of uncomfortable conversations.  From telling an employee they are showing their nipples to telling my boss theyre under investigation for physical assault theres never a lack of them.  Each conversation creates butterflies, demands preparation, and Ive never been  thrilled  to do any of them.  They are a necessity.  An uncomfortable necessity. Many managers tend to want to hide things under the rug. If it doesnt get talked about, it isnt a problem, right?  I cant think of a stupider way to face any difficult situation than to think that ostriching is the best course of action.  Managers dilute  themselves  into thinking    its not that big of a deal or it will work itself out and I can tell you that it rarely ever does. Up front one-on-one communication always trumps any type of  insinuations,  innuendos, or distance notifications (e-mails, memos, etc.)  When theres bad news to be given, or even just  uncomfortable  news, theres no better way to tackle it than to sit down, knee to knee, eye to eye to a person and lay it out to them in a respectful and caring manner. That being said, heres some tips on having Uncomfortable Conversations: The Golden Rule.  No matter how you feel about this person personally, maybe theyre The Guffaw Laughter Lady or The Evil Retractable Pen Clicker Dude, dont be rude.  Dont be mean. Treat them as you would want to be treated.  Practice some empathy and ask yourself, If I were in their shoes, how would I want this information delivered? Preparation.    I rarely wing serious or semi-serious conversations.  Whether theyre planned out in my head or outlined on some notes.  Going into an uncomfortable conversation can be nerve racking and confusing, bring a list of topics to discuss so you dont get off topic or say something you didnt mean to say. Be Specific.  Pull out  surveillance  video  of them taking the last of the coffee and not refilling, reference the emails that show they have issues sounding abrupt when you can, site specific instances.  Avoid generalizations, avoid sugar-coating, and especially avoid diplomatic jargon that gets confusing and  garbled. Dont cave.  Along the same lines of  specificity, dont allow yourself to shrug it off when things get really uncomfortable.  Theres a tendency to make light of things when it gets more uncomfortable.  While that sexist cat meme was funny it still needs to be addressed.  Theres always the urge to hurry things up and make light of it all, resist the temptation.  Stick to the reality of the issue. Have a goal.    In combination with preparing for the conversation, there should be a reason or specific outcome youre looking for from this conversation.  Otherwise, why are you having it?  If  the employee is performing above standards but comes in late by 15 minutes every  morning   ask yourself is it really necessary to talk about this?  Once youve  identified  the goal or outcome needed, state it.  The traditional method is Going forward, I need you to ______ from now on, agreed? Once the  conversation winds down be sure to ask them for their thoughts/opinions/reactions and truly LISTEN. At this  point  if they have any needs (within reason) to help towards the wanted outcome, see what you can do. Thank them for their time and be sincere about it.  Keep in mind that they were just as uncomfortable as you. Then, follow up.  If you promised to look into something or we can talk  about  this again in a month mark it on your calendar and make it a point to follow through.  Dont dump the bad news and leave them hanging. And lastly, be nice to your HR department document it. You never know when the Please stop calling everyone boobie' conversation will turn into the Weve had a complaint  conversation. True story. Most uncomfortable conversation? Whats your experience with uncomfortable conversations? Have you ever had to deliver not so pleasing news to a co-worker?